Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I am back. Sorry I was gone for a while. Oh well, not like anyone is really looking for me these days anyway. I still enjoy writing to cyberspace, though. It's a good outlet. :)

My diet and workouts have been going very well lately. I am quite pleased. I am down 2 lbs this week.

I have been thinking about doing a bikini or figure competition sometime in the end of this year - but I am not sure which one I would rather do. I like the muscular look of figure...but bikini looks more fun, not to mention the suits do not cost as much. Unfortunately, finances play a roll for me because I am a newly single mother. It's not easy when your life gets turned upside down. I feel as though this past week and the 2 lb loss put me back in control. I just got settled into my new apartment and it's beginning to feel like a home. Being in control of my life and my food has never felt better. I just wish I had the time to workout more. When I do these stints of 12 hour shifts at night, it's very hard, especially when I have to do 3 or 4 in a row. Even the next day, all I want to do is spend time with my little one because I feel like she needs me and I never get to see her as much as I want to. I just feel like my life is 2 different lives, trying to merge into one. On one hand, I am a single mother who is taking care of business - starting anew. On the other hand, I am struggling to pay bills, trying to stay under the radar and wondering if I will be able to do the things I have always wanted to do, like compete, or have a body I can really be proud of. Those might seem like small things for some people...Reading some things online it seems totally achievable, right? Then why is it so hard? Some girls make it look so easy...

ok the little one just woke up from her nap. I hope someone reads this.

Thank you Lulah for being my first follower.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

30 day shred

i will start the 30 day shred today. last time i did not stick to it. i made it 28 days. i can do it this time. i know i can do it. i want to look like jillian michaels.

this will not be easy coming off the heels of an eating disorder...but I just cannot be in this fat body anymore. there has to be a happy middle ground.